Stitch by Stitch
by A-Karana
Summary: Blue and black, heart torn out, you uncover what's beneath my skin...


**This is just a short one shot that popped into my head when I heard this song for the first time, because it's perfect for the two. I hope you like it.**

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><p><strong>Stitch by Stitch<strong>

_**Blue and black, heart torn out, you uncover what's beneath my skin**_

"You're late," Tony said as he opened the door of his apartment and let her in. "I already thought about starting the movie without you, but then I remembered that you would ask about what happened and we would miss more of the movie and I would have to re-enact more and more and then…" Ziva shut him up by holding up two plastic bags and only then did he realize that something smelled delicious.

"Chinese?" he asked and sniffed the air.

"Indian" Ziva corrected and walked past him into his apartment.

"Great," Tony smiled, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He knew Ziva and he knew that Indian meant comfort food for her.

"What are we watching?" she asked from the kitchen while she got some plates and spoons out.

"A true classic: Cary Grant, Deborah Kerr, a cruise and some tragedy," Tony told her while he got opened the fridge to their drinks out. "Beer? Coke? Water? Booze?"

"You have some root beer?" Ziva asked.

"Sure, bought it only for you," he nodded and got two cans of Barqs out of the fridge. He gave her a quick once over then, checking for any outer signs for what he already knew: That she was hurting pretty badly. Root beer and Indian food were a dead giveaway. That she avoided meeting his eyes was another one. They both could read each other's eyes and they were both aware of it. So whenever she didn't want him to know what she was feeling she avoided his eyes, what made him even more aware of how much she was hurting.

"So then let's get this movie night started," she smiled unsurely when he held onto the can a bit longer than normal when he handed it to her. He sat down next to her and started the movie then leaned forward and put some food on his plate when Ziva was done.

"This is good," Tony complimented once he had taken the first bite.

"Yes, it really is," she agreed and this time her eyes met his when she gifted him with a small smile. He had expected more pain and wariness in them over the loss of Ray and how he had betrayed her. However sitting there on his couch she was relaxed and allowed him a look into her soul. He saw the pain and the bruises, saw all the scars from the past… but he also saw a trust so deep that it humbled him. When Ziva broke the eye contact, knowing what she had allowed him to see, she moved a bit closer to him. Their arms weren't touching yet, but she could already feel the heat of his skin against hers. Tony, knowing what she was doing just turned his head and watched the TV screen again, enjoying the closeness.

_**There and back, there's no doubt, your touch is my medicine. **_**I'll be okay, 'cause you heal me...**

During a case she had lost it. The suspect had lied repeatedly to his wife, had betrayed her trust, had endangered the life of their children and had killed innocent people- all because he wanted to make more money for himself to spend it on prostitutes and expensive hobbies.

There were just too many parallels to Ray for her not to react. Seeing the pain of the wife and the kids as well as him lying again and again in interrogation had made her snap. She had lost control over herself for the first time in a long time. Reaching over the table she had twisted his arm behind him and had him on his back, lying on the floor while yelling at him and threatening him in several languages. McGee looked scared while he watched on from behind the glass and he would have never gone into the interrogation room. Gibbs ran outside as soon as Ziva made the first move and he could open his mouth before his senior field agent was already hot on his heels and out the door.

"Ziva! Let go!" Gibbs barked, but Ziva didn't react. If anything she only inflicted more pain on the suspect.

"Ziva!" Gibbs yelled, but again she didn't even acknowledge it. Tony reached out then and softly touched her upper arm.

"Ziva, come on let go," he said quietly and was relieved when she turned her head and looked at him. "Let go," he repeated and without breaking their eye contact she let go of the man and let Tony help her up by taking his hand.

"Get her out of here and send Ducky up," Gibbs barked out his order to Tony, still pissed off about Ziva's behavior.

"Ok, boss," Tony nodded and led Ziva out the door by her shoulders. "You're ok?" he asked her once the door had closed behind them and they were alone in the hallway. He was looking at her now, standing in front of her while his hands were still resting on her shoulders.

"Yes, thank you Tony," she replied quietly and still shaken about her own loss of control. She nodded her head while she spoke and covered his hands with her own.

"Ok, then go and get us something to eat, Probie, and I'll go and get Ducky," Tony gave her an encouraging smile and then walked off- but not without giving her hands a squeeze.

_**And I'll give you all my pieces broken. In your hands, there's nothing that you can't fix**_

"This is a surprise, Agent David," Tony grinned when he opened the door after looking through the peep hole.

"I'm sorry for intruding so late," she said and looked uncomfortable and nervous. She was fiddling with her hands and her eyes were darting between some points behind him.

"It's ok, I was just finishing my Connery Bond Marathon for this weekend. Come in!" he said and opened the door wide. He was dressed in grey sweats and a green T-Shirt and when Ziva passed him he realized that she was sporting pretty much the same outfit except for the fact that she wore a red top.

"So you weren't asleep yet?" she wanted to make sure.

"Nah, it's Saturday night, baby, of course not," he grinned widely. "But by the looks of it I'd say you were," he pointed out and tugged lightly at her tangled hair strands.

"I tried," she admitted and sounded beat suddenly. Tony remained silent, knowing that every question too many would only stop her from talking and not encourage it. So he sat down on the sofa, muted the movie and waited for her to talk while she paced in his living room.

"I just… I thought maybe you could help me, because you're a man and I… I can't turn my brain off," she started and he only turned so he could see her.

"I am just wondering why I lost control a week ago. I mean, I know that this guy reminded me of Ray and what he did, but I didn't even love Ray that much… I just loved the idea of him. And I realize that now and because I know it and I can feel it… actually I'm relieved I didn't get engaged to him or marry him… but… why am I so upset?" She stopped pacing then and waited with wide eyes for his reply.

"I don't think me being a man will help you here, Zee," he pointed out.

"But you're my friend and you know me and I can't understand my feelings anymore," she lifted her arms and left them drop helplessly.

"You thought you had found someone you could trust and who would be there for you, someone to build a life with- possibly have a family. And then he lies to you and betrays you . Everybody would be hurt." He explained the situation to her while she stood and looked at him.

"In my life I have been let down my so many people, but I never lost control before," she replied somewhat angrily.

"You've grown up during the last few years and you have become more open," Tony went on.

"Weaker," she immediately concluded.

"No, stronger," he insisted. "It takes a lot of strength to trust people again after you've been let down so many times. You were hurt and lied to and used. You were tortured, beaten and god knows what else and still you are building a life for yourself here. You got yourself a new job, a new citizenship, a new apartment, friends and a new extended family. And now you want to find that one guy, who will always be there for you and who will give you the missing pieces. That's a good thing, Zee."

"Then why can't I find him? Why do I always choose the wrong guys?" she asked and this time she sounded so sad and small that it hurt Tony physically.

"There's someone out there for the both of us. We'll both get our happily ever after. We just have to be patient and wait for the right man. Or woman, in my case," he tried to console her.

"You truly believe that?" she asked him and sat down beside him.

"I do," he nodded and wrapped an arm around her when she slid down on the couch and rested her head against his shoulder.

_**My heart is frayed, my scars are open. So put me back together now, stitch by stitch**_

"Come on, Zee! You can do better than this," Tony laughed as he made his last move. "Check mate." Usually she always kicked his butt at chess, but her head was just elsewhere that day. She cursed shortly in Hebrew and then looked at him in a way that he just couldn't decipher. They had spent more time together recently, more than ever before. Ever since that one movie night two months ago they were basically joined at the hip. They cooked together, they watched movies together, they went for a run together and grabbed a cup of coffee on the weekends. Tony was still waiting for the moment when Ziva would pull back from the close contact- just like she had always done before. He waited for her to tell him that he was getting on her nerves and that they needed to spend less time together or she would lose her mind. And maybe that moment had come.

That day she was distracted and withdrawn. Earlier she had nearly jumped out of her skin when he had accidentally touched her hand while handing her a bottle of beer and she had been keeping a suspicious distance to him all evening.

"Tony, I need to talk to you," she said after a minute of silence while he put the chess game away. Now it was coming, he knew. She needed some space and he was dreading it. He knew he would miss her if she wasn't around as much anymore, just like he missed her every time she left his apartment to go home.

"Sure," he said and sat back down on his sofa, bracing himself for the rejection.

"I don't really know how to say this, but I feel like need to, because it has been on my mind all the time," she started and talked fast and gesticulated wildly with her hands. "Ever since this thing with Ray I have been wondering why I am not sadder about losing him. I was hurt and felt betrayed, still do, but I recently discovered that I simply wasn't in love with Ray. I had suspected it already when I last talked to you, but what is new is that I also realized that I am in love with someone else and I have been for a very long time. I have never felt before what I feel for this man and it scares me," she admitted.

"Why does it scare you?" he wanted to know. He was too shocked to ask her about whom she was talking.

"Because every man I ever trusted has let me down. And I am afraid that once I let him get too close to me, then he will hurt me or leave me as well." Ziva had never admitted it before, but Tony knew already that she was scared.

"You've been hurt and that leaves scars. I get that," he told her and turned his body so her was sitting sideways and facing her. "But at one point we have to get over it and move on."

"You're speaking from experience," Ziva stated.

"I do," he confirmed in a low voice that showed just how much he was still hurting.

"You never told me what happened." She mirrored his sitting position.

"I don't like talking about it." Ziva looked at him, her eyes boring into his and he knew she needed this from him. And maybe it would help him as well, finally talking about it after all these years in more than just allusions. "I was engaged once when I was in Baltimore. I love her, I really did, and I thought she was perfect for me. I thought she loved me too, I mean, she said yes when I proposed. She got pregnant and I was over the moon at the thought of becoming a father. I went to every ultra sound, helped picking out furniture and baby names. When we found out it was a boy I was wondering if he'd look like me. And then, one day, I hear some of her students talking while I bought some ice cream for her at her favorite ice cream place. They were wondering of the baby father was her fiancé, meaning me, or one of her colleagues, with whom she had an affair. I didn't believe it at first, but then once I paid attention I saw more clues and picked up on more chatter. When I confronted her she confessed, told me that she had an affair with a colleague for months. He was married, had two kids already and didn't want her to have his child so she thought I could raise it because I was there."

"You left her," Ziva half stated, half asked.

"Not at first. I wanted to give her another chance and I also wanted to know if the kid was mine. After he was born we did a paternity test and he wasn't mine. Still, I was willing to marry her and raise this kid like my own. But her affair didn't stop. So I left her and decided that it all wasn't worth the heart ache. I took the advice of my former partner and dressed better, started charming the ladies and never wanted to fall in love again.

"But you did."

"Yes, I did. Couldn't help it," he shrugged.

"Jeanne," Ziva smiled sadly at the memory.

"Jeanne wasn't the first. She was a bit like Ray for you. I really liked her, I might have loved her, but there was always someone else," he pointed out.

"S o we are both too scared to act on our feeling because we aren't healed," Ziva summed it up and moved a bit closer to him with a heavy sigh, so their knees were touching.

"Maybe we should heal each other. I think it's time," he said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked with wide eyes.

"You know what I mean, Ziva. I told you before," he started to get upset. She looked at him while she thought about it and then placed her hand on his knee.

"You said you're tired of pretending and you said you couldn't live without me," she remembered.

"I still stand by that," he nodded and covered her hand with his.

"I told you I love you," she pointed out ad laced her fingers through his without breaking the eye contact.

"No, you said 'that is why _we_ love you'. Totally different," he replied with a small smile and placed his free hand on her cheek, cupping her face.

"I'm a mess, Tony. Do you really want this?" she asked as her eyes filled with tears. She was terrified. " I can't lose you if it doesn't work. I need you too much."

"I'm a lot older than you and you can kill me with a paper clip. I should be the scared one, Zee-vah," he joked to lighten the mood and pulled her in his arms at the same time. Ziva didn't reply but just wrapped her arms around his middle and snuggled in his embrace, breathing him in.

_**What you say, without words, resuscitates what was numb inside. So repair me, every thread of me, 'cause you're bringing me back to life.**_

They had been together for two months and they were keeping it a secret. They had gone on dates, spent a lot of time together, had kissed and made out, but this was the first time they had ended up in the bedroom with another intention than sleep.

He had already taken off her shirt so she was standing in front of him in only her bra and her jeans. The warm intoxicating feel and taste and smell of her skin was incredible and made him dizzy as he kissed along her neck while she unbuttoned his shirt and let her hands glide over his upper body.  
>He pulled her even closer and unsnapped her bra and then just let his hands massage her back without encumbrance. Kneading the muscles of her back and feeling her relax into my arms.<br>Her arms dropped down to her sides and her bra slipped forward and with a little wiggle landed on the floor. She reached up and put her arms on his shoulders and pulled him close that her nipples could press into his chest. She moaned quietly at the contact and slid the shirt down his shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

"I love the way you have treated me... you make me feel special... cherished" she admitted huskily.

"You are someone to be cherished" he said, "and remember we were advised once to cherish each other and I intend to act on it."

" It's the first time I have ever felt like this."

"That's sad, Ziva," Tony sighed and gave her a lingering kiss.

"I don't feel sad. Not anymore," she smiled and kissed him with more passion. He unzipped her jeans without breaking the kiss and then lost his own pants. They both stepped out of them as they made their way to the bed. They tumbled onto it and both laughed at their clumsiness. Tony switched on the bedside lamp so he could see her better and the smile left his face when he saw the light scars that ran over her body. He knew that her emotional scars were a lot deeper that the physical ones, but still it was hard seeing the proof of her abuse. She looked uncertain suddenly and he realized that she mistook his hesitation for rejection. So he gently touched her skin above her collar bone where one of the scars started and then traced it gently down over her breast to her navel. When she closed her eyes and lay down on her back, trusting him completely he followed the same path with his lips. He kissed his way back up to her breast and gently sucked one peaked nipple into his mouth before he repeated the move on the other side. Her fingers tangled in his hair and gently pushed his head south. When he reached her panties he quickly took them off and was surprised when she pulled him back up before he could pleasure her the way he had thought she wanted to. She kissed him again, deeper this time and took his boxers off.

"Now, Tony. Make love to me," she requested with another soft kiss.

"Always, sweet cheeks, always," he replied and swallowed her moan as he sank into her. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt like this.. probably never. Feeling her heat around him was giving him the piece he had always been missing. Looking into her eyes he saw that she felt the same way.

_**There and back, there's no doubt, your touch makes me whole again**_

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><p><em><strong>Song by Javier Colon 'Stitch by Stitch'<br>**_


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